Monday, May 7, 2007

Okay, more stories to come, and hopefuly, I can get my Word to work and post the updated edited version of the first story. One of these days I'll figure out how computers work.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Sex, drugs, and talking yaks. Not just a lifestlye anymore. It's now Axlle's personal blog short story poster thingy. Becuase the crap I've been know to write is like, way out there in the whole adult content thing. Thus the title. All three of those things are in my first story, which, is right above, so you've probaly read it already. I hate you. Anyway, have fun.
Adventures in a new dimension
By Me Finished
original text on March 4th, 2007 Copied to Word document March 5th, 2007

I guess things could be worse. This is a phrase used by many people to cheer them up, or perhaps give a little hope. I'd use it now, but looking at those steel bars, I think it's about as bad as it gets. I guess you're a bit late in this story, so lets fill you in a bit. After all, I got nothing but time.

I guess the begining would be when I was about five, but no one cares about me disappearing for a few hours once, I swear I was standing in the room everyone else was in. So I think the better place to start would be two weeks after my twentieth birthday. I was still in college and we were out for a crazy night. Of course, our fake ID's didn't get us anywhere. So we ended up at a waffle house for a few hours. And who hasn't done that? While we were there, some idiot who, we later found out was the dean of our school, decieded to rob the place. Somewhere in the process of another idiot, who I later found out was me, trying to take the gun anyway from idiot number one, I ended up getting shot. Minor as it was, I ended up passing out and having some sort of dream about how to slip into dimensions unknown. Even I thought I was nuts for awhile.
A few weeks later came spring break. For no particular reason I stayed at the college that week. Okay, I had a reason, a very cute reason. But, after being turned down for dinner for the tenth or eleventh time, I got bored and ended up sitting in my dorm. So I figured, if I got nothing better to do, I'd try this new dimension thing. I thought long and hard trying to slip into a different dimension. I didn't even think this hard on the test last week. I should of though, I did terribly. At some point I releized how crazy I was being, and laughed it off.
"Man, All that thinking made me hungry" I said. I must have been talking to an imagenary friend or something.
So I went down to the dinning hall for a third a fourth lunch. When I got to the dinning hall, I had a bit a trouble picking up a tray. Hell, my hand was going right through the trays.
"Damn, I hungry… I mean, I did it. Woo!?"
Then some guy walked right through me and cut in the line.
"You jerk! Just because I'm not visable doesn't mean I wasn't here first!"
After releizing he couldn't hear me, I had to slap myself. It was at that point I had a great idea.
"The girls showers!" Once again, I slapped myself for talking to myself again.
So, after making a few failing attempts at taking some humburgers, I went off to the girls showers. After waiting awhile for someone to come in, the door finaly opened. Lord and behold, the reason I stayed walked in. She looked in the direction I was sitting and let out a scream. I later found out this had something to do with me. I guess I may have been able to outrun the girls, but I couldn't outrun how fast they talk. And sitting on my bed, minding my own buisness, trying to figure out what went wrong, there was a knock at my door.
The new dean was not a nice man. I liked the old dean a lot better, until he shot me, of course. The new guy, baldy I think his name was, or something, was trying to lecture me about what I did. I kept zoning in and out, mostly trying to figure out what went wrong in the girl's shower. He said something about me being lucky not to be expelled, at which point I said one of the dumbest things I've ever said.
"But I thought they couldn't see me."
As it turns out, the local drug test technician was good looking. The results came back negative, and I had a date for that Saturday. Her husband, It seemed, wasn't at all to happy about that. In any case, I figured what happened was I got to exicted and slipped back into this dimension without thinking.
Later, I talked to a buddy of mine who also stayed for spring break. I told him I needed to increase my thought capacity. I told him it was for cramming before the tests. I don't think he believed me. His response was simple.
"I got just the thing you need dude."
At this point he handed me something that looked like a sugar cube.
"How is this going to help me?"
"Trust me dude." He said with a smile "This will help."
I woke up a few days later in a petting zoo. My first thought was why I do I trust him? And my second though was why was I naked? My third thought before getting up and leaving, whose tounge is that? I tried to hitchhike my way back to the college but I couldn't get a ride. For obvouse reasons. I ended up just walking. When I got back, I went back to my ex-buddies room, thinking about what to beat him with. I had to make a quick stop at my dorm of course.
"There you are dude. Man, you ran off with that frisbe, I thought the worst."
"I did what now? Wait, that's not why I'm here. Do you releize I woke up in some petting zoo in the next county, being licked by a camel?"
Okay, I may have enjoyed that, but the little girl who was watching didn't look like she was. My friend, of course, just started laughing at me. Now I have some missing clothes, a few days missing memories, and a sore fist. I thought a shower and some sleep would help. After a quick shower, and some food, I took off to my room to sleep. What happened next was why sleeping was a bad idea.
I ended up in a misty, foggy place. I assumed I was having a dream.
"Hello young one" Said some voice, which seemed to come from everywhere.
"Who are you?" I didn't care, but I asked anyway.
"I am Delores, keeper of dimensions."
"Oh, maybe you can tell me what I didn't wrong."
"That's easy, you trusted that guy."
"I didn't mean that."
"Oh, I can't explain all the wrong things you've done in your life."
"Not those either, stupid. Can you explain to me what went wrong in the girl's showers?"
It was at this point a large shadow came forward out of the mist. It looked rather frightening, but it turned out to be a yak.
"Who are you calling stupid, stupid?" Said the apparently disgruntled yak
"You. Say, what kind of person leaves a yak in charge anyway?"
"Yaks control everything."
"Oh make, that makes perfect sense. NOT!"
"Whatever. Look, we slipped you out of the dimension last time to teach you a lesson."
"Right, use my power for good, and not evil. Wait, why am I holding a soup can?"
"No, it was to teach you what happens if you screw up and slip back."
"But what about the soup can?"
"Most people ask why we let them do what they want, or why they were given this power, or at least why yaks control the universe, and you ask about some soup can?"
"I'm holding a soup can. It doesn't make any sense."
"Anyway… We let you do what you want because most people don't do much harm with this power. But mostly we don't care. And I don't think you're smart enough to do any real harm."
"It's a soup can. And it's empty. Why do I have an empty soup can?"
"Shut up about the can. Look, it's simple. Think about the deminsion you want to slip to, and you'll be there."
"I still don't get the empty soup can."
"We didn't have this problem with the last guy. I think they're just getting stupider." The yak mumbled as it walked away.
"You didn't explain about the soup can!" I yelled.
"Shut up about the damn soup can!" Shouted the yak, whose voice seemed to be coming from everywhere again.
It was at that point I woke up. I still wonder about that soup can. So, life went on. I stayed in the girl's shower a lot after that, even missed a few classes because of it. After all, I knew they couldn't see me anymore. Life was good for those few years. Then I graduated and had to find something new to do with my talent.
I didn't find something new for two years. I learned how to slip things into the dimension with me. It was purely by accident mind you. I slipped out, and forgot my wallet. So rather then slipping back to pick it up, I just thought in into my new dimension, and picked it up. I was sorta shocked it worked, and that I hadn't thought of it sooner. This made pick-pocketing rather easy, and I made a good living, for about five years. Then I decided to do something bigger. I'd steal a bank. Not the whole bank, mind you, but all the money inside of it.
This is where things went a little wrong. I did rob the place. It was easy. Wait for everyone to leave, slip into another dimension, walk in, take the money, and walk out. Then I'd go back to my place, and spend the money. Simple right? Of course, something managed to go wrong. To this day, I'm still not sure what happened, but my picture ended up on a camera. I was arrested promptly. My lawyer's defense was that if I robed the place, why am I only on one frame of film? Somehow I got convicted. Stupid jury. I promptly fired that lawyer and hired a new one.
He tried to appeal, but when that failed, he said an insanity plea would get me a shorter sentence. I thought he was the insane one. This brings us to where we are now. And I already know your first question.
"Why don't you just do that thing you do and sneak out?"
Simple, I'm waiting till tomorrow. I'm not sure why, I just am. Now go away, I feel like taking a nap.

"Hey, what are you people doing in my dream?"
"Who are you talking to?" Said a familiar voice.
I look about to see if I was in the same place I was last time I heard that voice. Nope, I wasn't, I was floating in some great white vastness.
"I knew you were dumb, but this exceeds my greatest expectations." Said Delores the yak, coming into existence.
"I may be dumb, but at least I'm not a yak"
It was at this point I was ripped into an infinite number of particles, then brought back.
"Okay, that hurt. Wait, I'm holding that damn soup can again."
I was blasted into an infinite number of particles again, then brought back.
"Please stop, that hurts." I said
"Not until you stop saying stupid things." Said that stupid yak
"Fine, I won't say anything."
"Good. You know, most people have fun with there talent, but you, deiced to harm as many people in a short period of time and you can by stealing everything that isn't nailed down."
"You said I could do what I wanted to."
Of course, the ripped into infinite particles thing happened again. And of course, I was put back togther.
"Ouch!" I said. "But, you did say that."
"And you said you wouldn't say anything." Said that damn yak "Now what about you pick-pocketing and bank robbing?"
"I know what I did was wrong. I'm sorry. I'll never do it again."
"I don't know if you will or not, but your going to spend that time in prison."
"I will, I promise on the soup can I'm holding."
How many times have I been ripped to infinity and back? Two, three? In any case, it happened again.
"Just to make sure you do serve your time. If you try and enter a new dimension, you will be ripped into an infinite number of particles… Again… and you'll be stuck like that for all eternity.
"Okay. I got it. Can I go now?"
"I guess" said Delores disappearing.
"Stupid yak" I said
"Now I know there getting stupider."
After being ripped apart again, I woke up.
"Stupid yak. There, I said it here where you can't get to me."
I stuck out my tongue, then promptly smacked myself for talking to myself again.
"No prison can hold me. And no stupid yak will keep me here"
After smacking myself again. And seeing my cell mate was looking at me rather oddly, I thought up a good dimension to slip off to. Upon deciding on that weird purple one, I slipped off. If I'd of known how painful being ripped into oblivion was, I would have asked to keep a mouth to scream with. Well, I guess that stupid yak was right. I'm stuck in the white vastness without a body forever.
"Damn empty soup can."