Sunday, April 19, 2009

diary of a misplaced nightshifter

Friday Morning: We're told our shift is being discontinued. And we're all being put on the day shift. Man I hate day shift.

Friday Night: Party with the boys who got laid off.

Saturday Morning: Got home, slept.

Saturday Night: More partying.

Sunday Morning: Stayed up, must get used to sleeping at night. Fell asleep at two.

Monday Morning: Slept late. I'm sure no one will mine, first time in awhile.

Tuesday Morning: Didn't oversleep as much. Barely made it in on time.

Wednesday Morning: Managed to wake up on time. Still don't like it.

Thursday Morning: Overslept again. Hour Late. Think I need a louder alarm or something.

Friday Morning: Managed to get in on time again. Three of five is good I think.

Friday afternoon: Went to get a new alarm. Thinking one of those double bell things, I'm told no one can sleep through those.

Saturday Morning: My day to sleep in, but forgot to turn off alarm. Amazingly, managed to wake up on time. Might be getting used to it. Shut off alarm.

Monday Morning: Forgot to turn on alarm. Slept through most of shift. Didn't bother going in.

Tuesday Morning: Forgot to change alarms. Slept half hour late. Boss chewed me out pretty well.

Wednesday Morning: New alarm got me out of bed. So loud I fell out of bed. I think it will do.

Thursday Morning: New alarm still works. So loud the neighbor is complaining. Never liked him anyway.

Friday Morning: Fell out of bed three days straight now, think I'll move the alarm further away. Less shocking.

Saturday Morning: Crashed at friends out of party. Came home to find the neighbor cursing at my alarm, which has been going off for three hours. he he.

Monday Morning: Awake on time, but not very alert.

Tuesday Morning: I think I got up today, turned off the alarm, and laid back down. Not certain what to do.

Wednesday Morning: Up on time, slept on way to work, woke up in ditch. Perhaps the local car pool.

Thursday Morning: Up on time. Car pool running behind. Still made it on time. But barely.

Friday Morning: Hate that alarm clock. But at least it works.

Saturday Morning: Forgot to turn off alarm again. I considered throwing it out the window.

Monday Morning: Alarm on. Up in time. But someone broke in overnight. Took TV. Had to stay and file report. But at least it doesn't count against me at work.

Tuesday Morning: Someone broke in again. This time they woke me up. And they took the stereo. Did make it to work though.

Tuesday afternoon: Bought gun. In three days them people will be in for a shock.

Wednesday Morning: No one broke in and made it to work. Things are looking up.

Thursday Morning: No problems today.

Friday Morning: Again, no problems.

Friday Afternoon: Picked up gun. Perhaps a little foolish to buy. But just in case.

Monday Morning: Slept through alarm. Not certain who.

Tuesday Morning: Up on time again. Maybe yesterday was a fluke.

Wednesday Morning: Someone broke in again. Scared them off with the gun. Good thing I bought it I guess. On time again.

Thursday Morning: Break in again. Stole alarm clock. Boss thought I was lying. Told me on more late day and I'm out. Bought identical clock later.

Friday Morning: Up on time. Toothbrush missing. I wonder whats going on around here.

Sunday Morning: Got in late last night. Haven't been back since Friday. Couch gone. Alarm woke me up 5 minutes after I fell asleep. In haste I shot it. Slept till Monday morning.

Monday Morning: Damn alarm didn't ring. Don't know why. To late to go to work. Called office people. Said I had been promptly fired. Alright with me.

Tuesday Morning: Alarm clock rang today. Alarm I'm pretty certain I shot.

Wednesday Morning: Forgot to turn off new alarm. Stupid alarm.

Thursday Morning: I know I turned that thing off. But it rang anyway. Not at all certain whats going on. Turn the stupid thing off.

Friday Morning: Alarm rang again. Threw it out open window.

Saturday Morning: Original alarm goes off. In haste, threw that one out closed window.

Sunday Morning: New alarm sounding. Went to shoot it, hit foot instead.

Monday Morning: Alarm sounds. Being hopped up on pain killers, I drove to work. On time though.

Tuesday Morning: Stayed up all night, shot whoever has been sneaking in alarms. Officer Joe says I have to spend a few days with him.

Wednesday Morning: Officer Joe woke me up early. Went to court, explained case. Got shipped to county jail. Must spend few days there.

Thursday Morning: Bubba woke me up early. Not as nearly as bad as those damn alarm clocks.

Friday Morning: Judge ruled I was temporally insane. Says I can sleep all I want at local asylum.

Saturday Morning: Judge lied. Nurse Bob woke me up early.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

A New Post, I'm as shocked as the rest of you.

Yay, I'm making a new post. And another new thing, a title to the post. Awesome isn't it? So here the thing, I've been sorta busy (work is hell, quit while your ahead) so I havn't written much, nor have I had the mindset to write the stuff only the twisted mind of Axlle could put out. I've started a new story, but already forgot whats it's about, have a second in short draft rolling about in that empty space I call a mind. And another behind that. But the last one might turn into a screenplay. (Other no talent writers are making movies, and I wanna be rich to!!!) We'll see how things go in the upcoming weeks, months, years, etc... I'd have a punchline, or a quote, or perhaps a far off mention of whats in an upcoming story, but I've forgot the story I'm working on, and it's to early in the morning to come up with a joke, or perhaps to late at night. Good night, Good morning, Good evening... Tah, Later and BUGGER OFF!!!

Oh right, presales for my book of short stories for families over the age of 18 starts, well, more then likly never, but if you want to send me money for a copy, I'll still cash the check.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Woo, new story, hot off the presses, or umm, keyboard. Hope you like it, tell your friends and loved ones, leave many a comment, I love to hear them.

Life in a factory.
By: Axlle

“Yeah boss?”
“Edward, I got a call from the supervisor from across the factory. He said they need a new assembly worker.”
“Okay, what does this have to do with me?”
“Simple, I’m sending you down there. Along with the new job there is a slight pay increase.”
“Excellent, when do I start?”
“In two weeks, after you train your replacement.”
“Does it really take two weeks to train a guy to do my job?”
“That is the amount of time you have, yes.”
“But, my job is so simple a monkey could do it. I mean, a day to train someone to screw these two parts togther is more then enough time.”
“Look, your stuck here for two more weeks whether I like it or not.”
“Pardon? No, never mind. I’ll have the new guy ready to go by then.”
“Good, you’ll meet them tomorrow. Now get back to work.”
“Aye boss.”
So was the conversation that led me into the oddest parts of the company. And, fairly soon, the next day came and I met my replacement for the first time.
“Hi, I’m the new guy” he said, a bit to chipper to have worked here for long, or ever.
“Well, you got a name new guy?”
“Yeah, but no one calls me by it anyway.”
“I see your point, sort of. In any case, I’m Eddie, and I’ll be training you for the next two weeks.”
“Okay Eddie, when do we start?”
“Right now, but I must warn you, this job is dull.”
“Good, I like dull things.”
“Okay then… Here is what you do. Take this cylinder in one hand, and this rubber wheel in the other, and screw them together. You don’t even have to screw it in all the way; the people in the next bay do that. Then you take the “completed” part, and put it onto this conveyer belt.”
“Oh, seems easy” He said confidently
“I don’t think it could get much easier. Go ahead and try one.” I told him
“Sure thing Ed”
“It’s Eddie”
After starring at the parts for way to long, he made his first attempt to assemble the pieces.
“How’s this Eddy?”
“It’s Eddie.”
“Eh?” He said, a bit puzzled.
“Never mind, let’s see how you did.”
Examining the part in my hand, I soon discovered he some how managed to screw up. Or backwards in this case. There was no doubt left in my mind I was going to need the whole two weeks for this. I showed him how to assemble the part again, and again, and again. Finally quitting time arrived, and of course, the boss pulled me aside before I could sneak off.
“Edward!” He shouted, even though I was right next to him.
“Yeah boss?” My normal reply.
“How is the new guy coming along?
“Well boss, I don’t think you could of found a bigger idiot if you tried.”
“So is he going to work out?”
“How should I know boss?”
“Well, you still have two weeks to train him.”
“Aye boss, two weeks.” I stated depressingly
I don’t think two weeks ever seemed so long, but they crawled by. The new guy, whom I still don’t know the name of, slowly figured out his job. And finally, the day I was looking forward to came.
“Edward!” The boss yelled, as I walked by that morning.
“Yeah boss?”
“Is the new guy trained?”
“As trained as he’s going to be.”
“Good, I want you to meet Scott. He is going to show you to your new job.
“Hello Scott, nice to meet you.”
“Shut up and let’s get going Charles.”
“It’s Eddie sir.”
“It’s Charles now.”
“I don’t see how that works, but whatever you say I guess.”
“Now. I’m here to show you to your new job. So if you’ll follow me.” He said, starting to walk away.
What I saw on the way to my new work station can only be described as odd. Very, very, odd.
We walked past my last station to find my replacement stuck in a hole in the wall. Which I’ve managed never to of noticed before. And not giving it a second thought, we continued on our way. We soon reached the bay next to mine.
“Tom, if you were ever curious as to what happens to your assembled parts, they come here to be screwed down.”
“I thought it was Charles… Wait, is that a monkey doing my job?”
“No, a monkey can’t do your job, they aren’t smart enough. He’s screwing that wheel the rest of the way down.”
“Well.” I said. “I hope you don’t pay him more then me.”
“I don’t see how that’s any of your business Ed-e.”
“It’s Eddie, Scott.”
“And if you’ll follow me” he said, ignoring my comment. “You’ll see just what it is we build here.”
“Now there is something I’ve always wondered.”
We walked on for some time. I tried to look in as many bays I could. I watched as my parts disappeared and others were being worked on. Watching horse drawn wagons pull parts back and forth. Then seeing all those parts grow to something truly massive.
“Now Terry, behind these doors is the final product.
I looked at the doors he mentioned. They were three feet tall. This had me perplexed.
“There to discourage people from going inside. Follow me, and don’t touch anything.”
I followed Scott through those tiny doors, and into a room a few hundred feet tall. I had a good look around, and saw what must have been five hundred people working on one thing or another. Then I set my eyes upon what they were building. I saw its engines, its wings, and its NASA logo.
“Hang on. I work for NASA?”
“What makes you think that?” Scott replied
“Well, the logo for one.”
“Few people know what they actually do and who the actually work for.”
Scott gave a grin that chilled me to the bones after saying that.
“Isn’t that something. So, what will I be doing in here?”
“Oh Paul, you don’t work in this room.”
“I don’t” I said a bit disappointed.
“Of course not, I’ll show you to your new home.” Scott said, in a voice that made me want to punch him.
“I don’t like calling this place home.”
“Well, you certainly spend enough time here.”
“I think I spend too much time here.”
We passed many more bays on the way to our final destination. I must say I enjoyed watching the part get smaller and smaller. Wait, smaller?
“Hey Scott?” I asked
“I do wish you’d shut up Barry.”
“Edd… Oh, forget it. I just thought it seemed odd that the parts are getter smaller.”
“Oh, they are Bob. We build the aircraft, disassemble it, and sell half the parts.”
“Half the parts?”
“Yep. The other half is sent back through the line.”
“This place makes less sense the longer I work here.”
“Yep, soon you’ll just accept it and smile.”
“I doubt that will ever happen Scott.”
“We’ll see” Scott said
And so we went along our way. I never dreamed the factory was that size. And it wasn’t to long before we reached our final destination that something slipped out of my mouth.
“So, if we only sell half the parts. Who pays for all this?” I asked, knowing I’d regret it.
“Oh, well, these parts are rather expensive. Of course, our normal buyer is Russia. What they choose to do with them is none of our business.” He stated “Ah, here we are at you new home Richie.”
“I do wish you’d call me Eddie.”
“It doesn’t matter what I call you. You probably will never see me again.?
“What if I get transferred again?”
He gave a disheartening chuckle and opened the door to my new work station.
“This job is real simple Adam. Just screw that rubber wheel into that metal bit.”
“I just came from this job!” I yelled so hard my voice strained.
“Nonsense, your last job had three inch wheels, these are five inches.”
A slight grin came across my face. I couldn’t seem to get rid of it.
“Oh and Guy” he said, about to walk out. “Don’t worry about the blood on the walls, we’ll have that cleaned up soon.
So life went on. For the next two weeks I sat in that small room, staring at the red stained walls. Doing the exact job I was dancing to be free of, give or take a few inches. Till one day, Scott appeared at my door.
“Bad news Mark, you’re not working out here.” He said, all to chipper. But I was hardly surprised. “Now, you’ve seen to much of the company for us to fire you, so your being relocated.”
“Where to boss?” I said with a smile I couldn’t and didn’t want to remove.
“Antarctica.” he said happy with himself.
“And what will I be doing there?” At this point, my smile must have gone around the side of my head.
“Nothing, you’re just going there.”
“Okay boss.”
As we walked out the door, a lemur walked in, sat down, and started doing my job. I just remember being happy for him.
Now I’m sitting in this cargo plane, waiting to land. Grinning ear to ear.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Okay, about a year ago, I was talking with a friend about his jerk boss. And I came up with a quote so powerful, it will change the way you think forever!!! Unless your me, I already think like this. The joys of being the mighty Axlle, eh?

"Everyones boss is a jerk. Your boss, my boss, our bosses boss, and our bosses bosses boss. This chain of jerk goes all the way to the head of the company. And It doesn't stop there. For the head of every company is bossed around by the government. And what is the government but a triangle of jerks bossing each other around?"

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Okay, it's been awhile, and I'm sorry to say, no new stories. I do have one in works, and one plot forming in my head. And I have got a slightly revised version of the first story down there. Few more jokes, fixed some typos, so forth. I have very little time to myself currently, but hopeful at the end of the month, I'll have alot more time, and alot of stories to write. I guess I should leave you with the common Axllayick (pronouced Axe-lay-ick) joke, but I can't think of any. Oh wait, theres one.

The lemurs will steal all your jobs.

Monday, May 7, 2007

Okay, more stories to come, and hopefuly, I can get my Word to work and post the updated edited version of the first story. One of these days I'll figure out how computers work.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Sex, drugs, and talking yaks. Not just a lifestlye anymore. It's now Axlle's personal blog short story poster thingy. Becuase the crap I've been know to write is like, way out there in the whole adult content thing. Thus the title. All three of those things are in my first story, which, is right above, so you've probaly read it already. I hate you. Anyway, have fun.